As they wheel me up to my room all I can think about is "why". I did everything I was suppose to. Of course that thought soon passed when I passed out from the meds. I found out from the doctor who delivered me that my placenta had torn 50%, which was a huge change from earlier that day. It wasn't till the next morning that my husband took me down there before he went to work to see her. of course I called down there a couple times. When I saw my daughter in the incubator fighting for her life but looking so peaceful it was the scariest thing. I didn't stay long, I think I blamed it on the pain but in all reality it was the hardest thing that I have had to deal with. I to this day can not really describe the feelings that I had.
The next 3days were filled with people coming to see us, doctors coming in and out. My last day there I finally asked who was the actual doctor because they would come in 5-6 at a time, I thought I was on a House episode. Even though the whole thing is bitter sweet for me I understood that it was the best for our daughter, and she is now in the best hands.
For the rest of my hospital stay I sat and pondered everything. All the information that the doctors had given us on what could go wrong (IVH, PDA, ROP...ect). I did what I would not suggest any parent doing, I researched online for days. There was alot of bad and some good. I think at one point I was told by all the NICU doctors don't look online, there were just to many sad stories on there. For me it was preparing myself for what was or could come in her future.
On 09-13-10 I was released from the hospital to go home, it was hard I was leaving empty handed, I was leaving our daughter to fight for her life on her own. Before we left the hospital we went to talk to the doctors, they pretty much went thru what they were looking at over the next couple day (head U/S, ECO, eye exam...ect). And off we were to go home....
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